Playing it safe.

I have a feeling that even though I think I “take risks,” I am a pretty safe player.

I was doing Orange Theory today (where they track your heart rate) and when we started running, even though I know I can go faster, I kept my speed pretty slow. For the first 20 minutes of class, I was working hard but according to my heart rate, I was chillin. It made me think, how many other parts of my life and I am taking slowly? The last couple minutes of the running section, I amped it up, got my splat points and, shockingly, didn’t die or cardiac failure. What in the world am I so afraid of?

In my life, I have had moments where I’ve been out of my comfort zone, terrified, and somehow always pull through. It’s these times as I reflect back, that really got me to where I am in life. And it always feels SO GOOD (obviously after the initial shock wears off). Yet, I feel like the older I get the more afraid I am. I think I have more to lose. I wonder if I should have kept things simpler. I have a beautiful house, a nice car, a country club, expensive taste… and I have to keep up my corporate gig to pay the bills. No other options — at least right now.

But I honestly KNOW in my gut that there is something else that I should be doing. I KNOW that I want a BIG life. I just feel paralyzed when it comes to doing anything about it. Anytime I have an out of the box idea, or that “craaazy thought” I rarely, if ever, act on it. Even though I KNOW it will be great! It’s crazy town. I honestly cannot even tell you why. There have been a few times where I have actually executed on something, and I always make sure it works out. I honestly wonder, if I acted on 75% of the ideas I have, hell, even 50% — where would I be today?

I am trying to learn to take baby steps. I truly believe in the power of consistency but that is SO much easier said than done. 100 small things can add up to something really big. But to do the small things sometimes feels, silly. Like, what is the point? I have no idea.

I want to start to put into the practice all the things I believe. I just need to DO THE THING. Even though I don’t know what that thing is.

I am going to write every single day on this blog until I figure it out. Whose with me? Maybe the thing will happen right before our very eyes.

#struggle